Insomnia (slight return)

It's 4.45am and I can't sleep. Same as usual. I wake up and head for the kitchen. Writing is the activity waiting for me right next to the warm baby-bottle, for I feel like a complete toddler again. Crying, hurting, complaining (see previous posts) but also smiling for nothing and enjoying this incarnation like crazy. What's going on with me? I have no idea. And the funniest thing is that I know that I am not the only one experiencing these weird fits of emotions and mood swings. It's a group thing.

About solitude

Solitude. Solitude is not about being alone physically or something, its about being unable to nest into the thought of someone else. I have tried many times lately, but no, I can't think about anyone and feel safe altogether. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be. Maybe there's a hidden truth to it. I have experienced that I had to stand in the middle of the fire (for extreme solitude is a fire) and let go of my expectations and anything I believe I am, in order to stand again and become one. I understand that, this is what people call God. But there is always a point when God doesn’t seem to be enough anymore and there, bam! hits the craving for connecting with someone again. Story of my life. Will it change anytime soon?

Sunday and shitloads of paperwork on the treadmill

I know. Long time no read. So here is a quick one before I go back to work.
I am spending Sunday at home for I have to prepare some fundraising documents for a project. I haven't done this in years and I am quite excited about it.

It's been a crazy week. I had a conversation with Emilie, one of my father's former girlfriend. The simple thought of my dad having a sexual life is so surpringly healing. But that's not all. Guess what? I might be working on a film set soon and get paid for that. Isn't great? Also, I just met an incredible man called Bo. I hired him for a little job and I just can't wait to become his friend.

Life is beautiful and furious, and feels like a fast hotrod I am being dragged by.
In the mood for :

Fin d'un mois marathon

Pfiou ! Fin d'un très long mois sur les chapeaux de roue. Le tournage et montage de la bande démo de "Une fête savauge", mon nouveau court-métrage de fiction, étant terminé, j'ai enfin ce matin rendu mon dossier de présentation à Fonction : Cinema pour l'appel à projet de Face To Face. Croisons les doigts pour que ça marche ! Parce qu'on a rien sans rien, je suis officiellement en phase de pré-burn-out, selon mon docteur. Je comprends un peu mieux mes crises de colère et de larmes. Promis cette semaine, je me repose !

 Voici un avant-goût du court-métrage grâce à cette photo de plateau prise pendant le tournage. Ma chérie Thaïs dans l'oeilleton de Rene ! Merci à toutes les personnes qui ont rendu ce jour de tournage possible.

Coeur coeur

Thaïs Venetz

Lancer de nouveaux projets, encore et toujours

Je n'ai pas encore terminé Tant que ça roule ! que déjà, il me faut lancer un nouveau projet. Etre sur plusieurs projets en même temps et rarement en terminer un... Il y a quelque chose d'à la fois excitant et frustrant et même effrayant dans cette fuite en avant si caractéristique de la vie des réalisateurs. Ce n'est pas un trait de caractère, juste la conséquence d'une situation économique : il n'y a pas de fric pour le cinéma et il faut jeter des perches jusqu'à ce que l'hameçon prenne. Je ne sais pas ce que les autres en pensent et je préfère ne pas le savoir.

A force de me prendre des gamelles de refus depuis une année, je suis devenue superstitieuse. Aussi, je ne dirai rien sur ce nouveau projet pour l'instant, si ce n'est que c'est un court-métrage et que l'idée me vient là... un dessin qui illustre la Complainte du vieux marin de Coleridge.

The Mariner and the Dead Albatros (c) Mervyn Peake, 1949

Being alone

I never would have thought years ago I would be where I am today. I sincerely expected my life to be more… "crowded". Loneliness is the price to pay and to me a big sacrifice. Yet, it's the only way to peace and freedom at the moment.

Writing scripts is joy (II)

I have struggled with discipline a lot in the past. And even though I think I've solved that problem there are still moments where I feel nothing's working.
I begin a script on impulse most of time. It's like a combustion process, it just propels me strongly enough not to need extra discipline. So if I have inspiration, it's easy to ride on a scene. It lasts hours and I'll stay up all night writing it out. But If can't write a passage in one shot and I need to finish it the next day, then I lose my momentum and start to panic and eventually call it a day.
Unfinished business is a serious bummer and a killer. This is why I've trained myself to write on demand and I must say I'm happy I did.

Location scouting in Hermance

I am currently preparing a new short film and shooting is due in February (crossing fingers). I spent this afternoon on location in order to test the best angles and spots for the scenes. Here is one :

Sentier des Bourgues near Hermance

Writing scripts is joy (I)

No news since June equals good news…

The post-production of "Parcelle 4198" aka "Fallow Green" didn't work as planned this summer, like I suggested in a previous post. No support means no energy. Also, I grew tired of delaying, so I decided I wanted something new and began to write scripts, mostly fiction during the summer. The response was instant. Ideas otherwise emerging with great difficulty popped up like pop-corn in my brain. I couldn't sleep. It felt like I had repressed a creative urge for so long.
No less than 10 short films and a feature are on their way. Unbelievable! Here is an extract from the feature. Nah, forget it. I won't tell you anything about it… yet!

P.S. To those who are not used to the screenplay environment: if you're interested in writing scripts or novels and look for decent software, try Cetlx. It's free (scriptwriting version) and easy to install on both Windows and MacOS.

Today's mood, exactly

Currently working on "Fallow Green" aka "Un terrain vert" trailer on my laptop and is feeling on a high. Editing has such meditative effects on me. Hands like robots while mind is wandering. I can observe my actions over the last weeks. Funny how moments of self-awareness arise.

Gah. Blank page phobia, slight return... :/

One more sneak pic from the upcoming documentary "Fallow Green", just to give me courage and to vent a lil' bit about how difficult is the writing of its voice-over text. I have to say this is possibly the hardest thing I ever had to do, creatively speaking. But I am hanging on in there.