Monday, October 17, 2011

The need to be recognized

It is awkward to admit to myself that I need to be recognized, but it is even more awkward to admit it to someone, especially when people around never really say what they really feel about me and what I do.

Oh for sure, I do get opinions about my appearance, my behaviour and my work as therapist or artist, but opinions are just opinions. They are impersonal and just scratch the surface for the most part. Being recognized is something way different. It valides what we do makes sense, it communicates we are indeed here, that we exist and allows us to see our experience on this planet in a meaningful way. The best example to me would be when someone points at a gesture or expression that we made purposefully while expressing she or he is feeling concerned too. How many times do we experience that in our everday life ? I must say I haven't for a long time which probably explains why I feel so split inside in my sense of self and undergoing this major crisis in my creative process.

Granted, I have been hiding that need of recognition thinking that it was foolish. And instead of doing something about the parts of my life that remained unfulfilled and unsatisfied, l held back on my desires for fear of reprisal and reacted to the world and others with unrecognized pain. I eventually found myself having to perform, entertain, be nice, be bad, funny, studious, quiet and obedient, or any number of ways that I have come to believe I should be, to just draw attention.

Last nite I had a wonderful conversation with an almost complete stranger. It made me understand that getting recognition starts with a curiosity about my own truth and with shaking bones to take the risk to put that forward. Time to move on.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Of guilt

Five months after the first mass rally in Madrid, the "Indignant" movement is back. Activists from all around the world have mounted an international day of protest under the slogan: "Unite for global change" and that day was, is, today, October 15, 2011. The Geneva gathering was said to be taking place in La Place des Nations, right in front of the UN, so I decided to drop by around 1 pm and hear what they had to say about economy bankrupt and the tragedy of human beings.

Weather was incredibly sunny despite the cold. A blessing. I took pictures (see below), exchanged a few words with the people I knew there. I watched, listened for the most part but then after the two hours, I left because I was starting to feel hungry. On the way back home, I thought to myself of all the guilt I had inside.

I attend a protest march but what do I do to make things change for real? Very little besides complaining. Recently I got angry for what people do in and to their life. They claim they disapprove the world we live in but at the same time they nourish it by investing their energy and money into it. What about me? Am I not "feeding the beast" by arguing constantly with them?

I should stop getting angry all the time and worry about the consequences of keeping my door shut to all the crap. This takes guts and I have to admit that I am afraid of my own choices. I want to feel at peace with my peers and loved ones, I also want to conduct my life a certain way, based on truth, honesty and freedom as much as possible even though sometimes it means disagreeing loudly.

You may be reading this post.... Philippe, I wish you were and could have seen what I saw.

 Sure I heard about the Anynomous movement but I have reasons to doubt its genuinity. Am I wrong ? Am I right ? Still don't know. Now this was the first time I got to meet one its reprensative in flesh. Gotta listen and watch before judging, I guess.

Local television and radio catching up with Anonymous


Most heartwarming moment I experienced there : listening to this self-claimed "wealthy" indignant and witness in the Jerome Kerviel trial. I didn't mention about his occupation was but it sure had something to do with banking. It men in his position begin to speak, hope is still left...

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Love is a tumbleweed

While Love is Unfashionable 
by Alice Walker

While love is unfashionable
let us live
Seeing the world
a complex ball
in small hands;
love our blackest garment.
Let us be poor
in all but truth, and courage
handed down
by the old spirits.
Let us be intimate with
ancestral ghosts
and music
of the undead.
While love is dangerous
let us walk bareheaded
beside the great River.
Let us gather blossoms
under fire.